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One of THOSE people Motherhood is humbling. Period. You realize all those times you judged others are now reversed. All eyes are on you now. You are the mom who can't control her kid in the store, the family no one wants to sit next to on the airplane because your kids started wailing before the boarding process began, the parent of the child with the dirty [actually just chocolate, but looks like dirt, and if it is chocolate, shame on you anyway for giving candy to a toddler before 11am] face at church. You have become "one of those people."
Up until about the age 2, Parker detested his car seat. Strapping him in was equivalent to an Olympic event. I would have to wrestle him into the seat, pin him with my elbow, avoid his flailing, pinching, scratching hands, tug his arms through the straps, and fasten the buckles. I sigh now just thinking of it. I would close his door, sink into my seat, and exhale. Then I would gear up for the car ride home, during which he would scream incessantly. It was absolutely exhausting to go anywhere.
My very good friend Danielle came to visit us in Seattle and had to endure several such rides. One day we went to the grocery. We finished our shopping and loaded the van. After securing Parker into his seat, I shoved the cart onto the nearest curb, slumped into my own seat, and started the van.
Danielle was a little taken aback..."Jess, aren't you going to put the cart back?"
Me: [Head resting on the steering wheel] No way. Just get in. Let's go.
D: But...I can't believe you just leave it there. I always put the cart back. I'm feeling a little bad.
Me: I used to, too...before Parker. Now I have him, and I understand why there are carts all over the parking lot. It's okay. [Ear-piercing screams emitting from a tiny mouth directly behind me.] Can we just go?
D: Um...okay.
I realized that in that moment, I had become "one of those people" in her eyes. The inconsiderate-too-lazy-to-return-the-cart-driving-up-the-cost-of-groceries-lady. Oh well.
Now, I smile when I see carts all over the parking lot. I am not judging those who left them there. I actually feel some pity for their plight (whatever it may be). Things haven't changed much in our van. Though Parker climbs into his seat and waits patiently to be buckled, a new contender has entered the ring. Maddie has yet to win a match, but I have several scars [scratches] to prove she is a worthy opponent. My approach has changed a bit. I utilize the same technique to strap her in, but these days, I am putting the cart back.
See, once she is in the van, I don't torture myself by listening to her cries. I simply slide the door shut. I smile as I hear the gentle click of the lock and then walk slowly to the cart corral. Ahhh. What was once a deafening shriek becomes a dull roar, then depending on the distance to the corral, silence. I lift my face to the sun and drink it in.
Perhaps I have become another "one of those people." The lock-your-screaming-kids-in-the-car-and-walk-away-lady. *Sigh* At least I'm putting my cart back.
This is a post by Jessie Rausch, stay-at-home mother of two wonderfully zany children. She blogs to preserve her cherished memories as well as her sanity. Come one, come all to the Rausch Family Circus! http://rauschfamilycircus.blogspot.com/
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I love being a girl! Makeup, hair, and lots of clothes: Is there anything more sublime. As a child I was all about Barbie and baby dolls. And shopping is the only sport I?ve ever excelled at. With two sisters, four female cousins, and 10 female nieces, I don?t have a ?tom-boy bone? anywhere in my body.
And then, IT happened. At the naïve age of 29, I gave birth to an alien: a bouncing baby boy I named Cody. His itty bitty hands and feet, and beautiful bald head made me swoon. And don?t even get me started on his smile. Just shy of three years later IT happened again. I gave birth to my second son, Shane. He was the perfect baby. Really. He came out of the womb sleeping through the night and thoroughly enjoyed an eight-hour shopping stint. Life was perfect.
But then IT really kicked in. About the time that Shane starting crawling, sweet baby Cody became a boy. And before I could even blink, my little peanut, Shane, was right there behind him. My girly girl world of doing my nails, wearing high heels and stylish clothes, and decorating my living quarters with pretty baubles and such came to a screeching halt. I had just entered the world of all things male.
Barbies were replaced with Power Rangers. And shopping with impromptu boxing matches. For someone used to all things feminine, it?s seriously like entering a foreign country. Nothing makes you NEED Jesus more than having sons! Trying on clothes at Kohls. ?Jesus, please don?t let Cody open the dressing room door while my pants are off.? Eating out at nice restaurant like Chile?s (That?s as nice as it gets with boys.) Jesus, please make Shane stop throwing food at the nice couple in the next booth. And, Lord, above all else, PLEASE, PLEASE make my husband stop laughing!?
Have you ever gone out in public with your sons whooping and hollering like cowboys and Indians and seen the appalled expressions on the faces of those girly girl moms and their precious daughters? In my head I?m thinking, what are you looking at? They?re actually being good. They haven?t tied anybody up??yet. Parenting sons is a world only those that experience it first hand can truly understand.
Boys are not all ADHD. They?re simply, male. It?s a world of loud noises, constant activities and unique smells. A world in stark contrast to a girl?s. And like their fathers, most boys? ears are not tuned into the range of the female voice. Mothering boys is a tremendous challenge with tremendous rewards. There are many days I?m throwing up my hands, tears welling in my eyes. I just haven?t seemed to figure out how to reign my little guys in. Maybe it?s because our gender differences make it impossible for me to completely understand exactly what makes them tick. Or maybe it?s just simply because they wear me out. There is no such thing as a quiet dinner or a calm tea party at our house. It?s all about karate kicks, rock music and bodily functions.
But on the other side of the coin, raising boys is a world filled with excitement, new horizons and honor. Mommy?s little boys will one day be God?s men. A role held in the highest regard in The Bible. After all, there was no greater son than Jesus. What a privilege to have a hand in shaping the future of tomorrow?s husbands, fathers and maybe even spiritual leaders. And nothing, absolutely nothing, can compare to the hugs and kisses of a doting son.
Although a boy?s world will always remain somewhat of a mystery to the female sex, raising the little buggers can be done. Look at Billy Graham, Ronald Regan, even Kirk Cameron. They were all little boys once. But a mommy of boys support group is a definite must! Surrounding yourself with other moms who know what you?re going through is the key to keeping hold of your sanity. And hanging on to your girly girl, childhood dreams will take you the rest of the way.
Someday I?ll own my dream home and it will have an extra room in it just for me filled with all things pink and beautiful, and a big sign on the door that reads, ?No boys allowed!?
It?s another ordinary day, and you?ve stepped on yet another Lego, or bumped into the exersaucer your baby hasn?t used in months. Tired of trudging through too much stuff, but not sure what to do with it all? Sell it on consignment! Not sure exactly what that means or entails? Well, let me take the mystery out of it for you.
Consignment means to hand over, or entrust ones goods to a store with the understanding that payment for those goods is only made once the goods are sold. In a nutshell, the store sells your stuff for you! They do the work, and you get a check. A huge advantage over Ebay or Craigslist. No dealing with shipping, or keeping track of posts, or people with tons of questions who never end up buying. Consignment stores are also open year round, so you can consign when you?re ready, and stop in to check on your items anytime. Can?t get much easier for a busy Mom or Dad!
Most consignment stores work the same. You will be asked to sign an agreement which should explain in detail that particular store?s policies. Be sure to read it carefully, and ask any questions you might have before signing. In general it should state the length of the consignment period (how long your goods will be for sale), how your payment will be made(usually by check), the percentage of compensation, and an explanation of fees.
Let?s look at compensation and fees a little more closely. The two go hand in hand, and one will affect the other. You will receive a percentage of what your goods sell for and that percentage will vary from store to store. Generally it?s somewhere in the 40%-60% range depending on that store?s fees. For example, a store that gives you 60% will probably also have many fees to help boost their share of profit. And a store that only offers 40% may not have any fees at all. It all balances out in the end. What exactly are these fees you ask? Well again they vary from store to store, but in general, there may be fees for things like cleaning, replacing batteries, space taken, etc. So be sure to understand a store?s fees well, so you can avoid some of the obvious ones like cleaning! Also, some places offer a store credit option for payment, in which case your percentage will be higher, but it must be spent in the store.
Many stores will also have a limit to the amount of items they will accept per consignment period, and you will most likely need to make an appointment, or call ahead to drop off.
Now, you?re staring at the enormous pile of stuff, and wondering what to take and what to ditch? A few tips: Make sure your items are complete, no missing pieces. Make sure they work properly! And, make sure they?re clean. You can generally cover all three of those if you ask yourself this question; ?Would I purchase this item if I saw it in the store?? Be honest! If the answer is yes, then it probably has a good chance of selling.
A store owner should be happy to explain all of these things in detail to you. If they seem annoyed or unwilling, look elsewhere.
Now, while you?re in the store to drop off your items, take a look around. You will find some spectacular deals! Many times you can get items in ?like new? condition for up to 70% off retail prices!! Who doesn?t want that? Consignment stores are a great place to find current or unusual things and the best part about the items being gently used is that they are out of the box and you can test them out. Check the store for special deal days and promotions. The change of the seasons is usually a very good time to get some great deals.
Now pat yourself on the back for doing something really good. First, you?ve cleaned out all of your clutter, and by consigning, you?ve recycled! Think of all the stuff you just kept out of landfill, and you?re gonna get paid for it?sweet! Take the opportunity to teach your kids too. Let them know how to take care of their things so someone else can enjoy them later. I guarantee if they?re in the store, they won?t care that the items are used if they see something they like. Things don?t have to be brand new to be great!
I hope this has been helpful, and inspired you to clean out and start earning!
I am a Mom, Wife, and owner of A Playful Planet consignment boutique. Writing is my therapy! You can follow my blog at: http://4megsmusing.wordpress.com
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A Dad's Point of View: A Jew in Church My wife is Christian; I?m Jewish. Since we were not going to have children together, this wasn?t much of an issue since this was a second marriage for both of us. We did have the Christmas tree problem but resolved that amicably, by at first going to her parent?s house to celebrate Christmas with them. When my wife got sick and we couldn?t make it that year, I relented and we brought the Christmas tree into our home.
Now we?re celebrating both Christmas and Hannukah in our home and, more recently, I?ve even attended her church (Calvary Community Church in Westlake Village, California).
This issue, of religion in the home is a touchy one for most couples getting married, especially as they plan on having and raising children. It?s not a simple question nor is there a simple answer. I believe it?s extremely important for a couple to discuss this, in depth, before they marry or have children if they believe and practice different faiths.
I used to think, as many clergy would recommend, that a mixed-faith couple should just choose one religion to practice in the home and with which to raise their children. I still tend to believe this view but have realized it?s more nuanced and complicated than I at first thought. Originally, this line of reasoning made complete sense in that the children get exposed to one faith, learn one faith, and hopefully appreciate and love that one faith.
Further, the thinking was and is that raising children in dual faiths only confuses them and diminishes the value of both religions. In those homes, many children just end up dropping both faiths and end up leading a secular or more generalist spiritual life without belonging to either religion in which they were raised. It was thought naïve that children would have the wisdom, in their young lives, to actually appreciate both religions and possibly make their own choice later. I still tend to agree with this line of thinking.
My first wife and I agreed to raise our children Jewish. We attended an ?Introduction to Judaism? course of 15 three-hour lectures, and also attended the obligatory ?extra credit? outside homework, that included visiting various temples, Jewish libraries, stores, and places that offered a Jewish experience (that might have included attending a Bar or Bat Mitzvah or a traditional Jewish wedding, as well as different services of the primary three Jewish denominations).
It was a wonderful refresher course, for me, and my wife did complete it and choose to convert before we married and had children. We raised them in a Jewish household, though I was the parent with the primary responsibility for their religious education. Ultimately, both boys became a Bar Mitzvah after their thirteenth birthdays.
I believe this religious foundation was good and that both boys appreciate and respect their Jewish heritage. I?m glad we did it that way. However, in my second marriage, with children not a question, my wife has chosen to keep and practice her Christian faith. At first, I struggled with how this might impact my boys and me. The Christmas tree was the first hurdle since it is symbolic to me as it so represented something contrary to my faith.
I got over that hurdle and next I attended my wife?s church where, to my surprise, I found myself completely enjoying the magnificent services produced at Calvary Church. I use the word ?produced? from the position of a former television producer who appreciates the careful ?production values? of their services, from the big screens that project the words to the songs sung, to videos sometimes shown, to check-lists and information on those screens that relate to what the pastor may be preaching.
I don?t believe in Jesus, but we share the same basic belief in the Old Testament and the same values that the Ten Commandments oblige Jews and Christians alike to live. I enjoyed the services so much that I approached the senior Pastor, Shawn Thornton, and the youth ministries Pastor, Drew Sams, and complemented them on a job well done.
My conversation with Pastor Drew Sams led to his becoming my regular guest on the ?Teen Rap? segment of my new Radio Show. We?ve begun a friendship that embraces our respective faiths and I?ve actually attended several other Calvary services just for the joy, heart, and wisdom in them. The fact that both Pastor Drew and Pastor Shawn are remarkable speakers who preach such inherently valuable words of wisdom is a bonus, along with the artistry of the revolving bands playing first-rate professional music to begin and end the services.
Who would have thought that this stubborn, set-in-his-ways, guy would be singing along to gospel music, swaying back and forth, and listening attentively to every word a Christian pastor spoke? Not me. As for my boys, they are seeped in Judaism. Their adult path is theirs to choose. I will stay a Jew, but I now can share and enjoy my wife?s faith, more than I ever imagined. And, as we both learned during our courtship, it would have been harder to have opposite political values given the divisive nature of political discourse these days than have our different religions, where we share the same basic values. How ironic. How surprising. How wonderful.
Please listen to ?The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad?s Point-of-View? Thursdays at 11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the Internet via a live stream. For that link and all information about the show and Bruce, visit his web-site: http://brucesallan.com. Bruce?s column, ?A Dad?s Point-of-View,? is available in over 100 newspapers and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his ?A Dad?s Point-of-View? page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan
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I can?t believe I had to say those three words, ?I am sorry,? to my husband tonight. Please don?t get me wrong. I have no problem saying I am sorry when I am wrong, but for this?
A couple of weeks ago, our baby girl spit up all over her outfit and mine, just as we were ready to leave for work and day care. I quickly ran up the stairs, handed Molly to her daddy, along with a clean dress. I quickly changed my clothes and ran back downstairs to clean the floor, before the dog could do it for me. It was barely 7:00 am. I went to work and Todd dropped the kids off at day care.
At 5:00 pm, I picked up Tyler and Molly and headed home to feed them (Todd had a meeting to go to). I finished feeding Molly and started burping her. As I tapped her on the back, my hand hit something. What could it be? I looked at her back and immediately started giggling. I was hitting three big buttons. Yes, her dress was on backwards and yes, it was the same dress daddy put her in at 7:00 am. Can you tell that daddy is used to boys? He has brothers and has had a son for almost four years. He is new to the little girl thing. Pink was a foreign color in our house until six months ago.
When Todd got home, I let him know, through my giggles, that Molly spent her day in a backwards dress. He said, ?Are you sure?? Of course I am sure, the three quarter sized buttons were spaced down the length of her back and the two pockets were on her bum. Looking perplexed he said, ?Buttons can go in the back and I have pockets on my behind. What is the problem?? The whole thing made both of us laugh until tears ran down our faces. He then asked if I would dress Molly in the morning. Sure, why not. The things we do to keep our spouses happy and stress free.
Fast forward to today. Our morning routine was a little out of sync. Todd had to go into work early, so I was charged with getting Tyler and Molly up, fed, dressed and dropped off at day care on time. I also had to take the dog out and get myself ready. I also have to admit that I am having trouble getting out of bed this week because once again it is dark out when the alarm goes off (a sign that summer is starting to fade away).
I went to work hoping for a calm day, which is pretty unusual the week before school starts, but a girl can hope. It was close to 10:30 am when I received a frustrating email. Instead of hitting reply, I thought it was in my best interest to take a walk and clear my head. I told my office mates that I was going for a walk. After a few seconds, I found myself in the ladies room. This is when it happened.
I looked down and realized that my underwear was inside out. Yes, inside out. I started to laugh out loud (glad there was no one else in the bathroom). Needless to say, I forgot all about that frustrating email. I am happy to report that my underwear was clean, just inside out. This was not some college trick of waiting until the last minute to do laundry when your only two choices are to wear it inside out or run to Target.
I have no one to blame for this, but myself. But, I do have someone to apologize to ? my husband. For we all make fashion mistakes ? backwards or inside out!
Jennifer Howe lives in Huntersville, NC with her husband, Todd, and two children, Tyler (3 ½ ) and Molly (6 months). She is a member of LakeNormanMommies and is the Director of Communications at a local independent school in Charlotte, NC.
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